Am I expecting too much from my wife?

Ok, so here is the situation. My wife and I recently celebrated our 6th anniversary. I always do something big for our anniversary (or valentines day, her birthday etc). Her not so much, i'm lucky to get a ecard for my birthday. This year she is overseas for a couple of months visiting her family. Still, i had flowers, chocolates, and card delivered to her and i called. She didn't do anything for me, for some reason it really hurt me this year (i think cause she is overseas and i'm alone here). When i asked her about it she said she said she felt she did everything she could (meaning she was at home for my phone call). She said we are just different, I'm very passionate about these things (b-days, anniversary etc) but for her they are important, just not important enough to do something for me.





I still feel very hurt and disappointed. But i just don't know I also think maybe i'm expecting too much from her. It would be nice to hear other people opinions.

Am I expecting too much from my wife?
In your words you said "she is overseas for a couple of months visiting her family." Did she marry you just to become a citizen? She's there during your 6th anniversary? This doesn't sound like a match made in heaven to me! If you have any kids with her, don't EVER let her take them back where her family is because there is the chance that you might NEVER see them again.
Reply:Sounds like your the only one in the marriage who wants the romance....!!! Stop sending her flowers/candy etc treat her like she wants to be treated! As far as being with her family on your Anniversary.. That's also BS.. She is probably married w/children where ever she is at the moment and their whole family is laughing at u cause you are so gullible.
Reply:It has always been the reverse in our relationship. My wife is the more thoughtful one and I am the forgetful one.





I've finally become more of the man she has needed and work very hard to let her know I care. It was never the fact that I didn't care but some things are not automatically as important to me. I don't need a big deal about my birthday and don't see much importance in making a big deal about our anniversary. To me the more important things are how we treat each other every day. However, I have learned to be more thoughtful with the passing of the years.





Hopefully, these things will become more important to your wife over time. Just keep treating her the way you want to be treated and perhaps she will learn.





fs
Reply:Wow, why can't you be MY husband?!! It's extremely hard to come by a MAN who actually is romantic and does things like that just because he cares, these days! I, myself, am a hopeless romantic and love, love, LOVE, giving little gifts to my significant other.





I don't think you are expecting too much of your wife at all. She is very lucky to have someone like you! I hope she soon realizes that. And i hope that I, one day, will find someone like you! :)
Reply:She's a selfish goldiggen pig!
Reply:if you've been married for 6 years you should know to expect this kind of treatment by now!!
Reply:Usually it is the wife complaining that she does all kinds of wonderful things and her husband and he does nothing for her.





It is just not your wife's thing and you need to put the hurt aside and just know to never expect anything, that way you never get disappointed.





I had a birthday last week. My husband bought me a card and put it in my lunchbox. That was better then any gift, because he remembered.
Reply:Well Brandon she pretty well explained to it to you by saying that this type of stuff just doesn't really rank that high on her priority list. Obviously you must have been aware that this was part of her make up prior to marrying her, so don't be so hard on her or yourself. Providing that she loves and respects you then what more really matters. And you were brave enough to let her know how it makes you feel, hopefully you two discussed this and the issue is resolved. If there are still feelings that you need to discuss further then do so when she returns. I'm certain you would have been hurt if she had been with you for your anniversary also, but in fact are probably missing her tremendously and so your feelings are a bit more sensitive as she is away. I like yourself am more of the romantic and some would say thoughtful partner, as Easter, Valentines and a lot of other special days don't really mean a lot to my partner either. But I was aware of this prior to us walking down the aisle so don't allow myself to feel somewhat lonely when she doesn't celebrate as much as I do on these occasions, but am very grateful she is in my life regardless. Best of luck.
Reply:This is a different form of abuse. Emotional. She is shut off emotionally and only feels something when she is making you "feel bad". She knows this. The reason it hurt you so much now is because your finally becoming aware of the fact that she doesn't truly care.
Reply:Some people don't care so much about things like birthdays and anniversaries as others. maybe it just doesn't matter to her, and she doesn't understand why it matters to you.





Still, I would have thought she could have made a bit more of an effort, seeing how much you care about it.





How does she beahve towards you generally? Is she nomrally affectionate and considerate?





I think it matters more how she treats you in general than whether she is interested in birthdays, anniversaries etc. On the other hand, if she is not attentive and affectionate to you in general, then the lack of interest in birthdays etc could be a symptom of a more general indifference towards you.





However, since she doesn't seem to care much about these things, maybe you should not make so mcuh effort yourself in future? Perhaps you would feel less aggrieved if you were not knocking yourself out to please her, without getting anything in return.
Reply:I don't blame you for feeling hurt and disappointed, but I would also have a serious talk about what you expect from your wife. Does she WANT you to send her chocolates and flowers, etc. etc.? Or do you do it because it's something you want her to do for you? Would you hear about it from her if you didn't do big things for her birthday/your anniversary/etc. - or would the day just pass?





I would never have put up with this for 6 years. My boyfriend and I talk about every birthday/holiday/anniversary before it happens. That way, we know what to expect.
Reply:Wow you really sound like a very passionate and sweet man....I'm so sorry your wife seemingly doesn't sound so romatic...But, there are still reasons as to why you married her. Try and concentrate on her stronger areas, and overlook her level or romanticism....You may also consider buying her gifts that you and she can enjoy together....Example: tickets to the theatre, or a romantic get away....Stay encouraged, and sweet.
Reply:It could have been how she was raised. Some people just don't make a big deal out of that type thing. My family is one of those families. We call on holidays and birthdays, but I can count on one hand the number of birthday cards I've received from my sisters and my mom does sometimes. I have to work at remembering to do things for people in my life. It's not that I don't want to do it and I feel really good about it when I do, but the thought doesn't come natural to me.
Reply:well she just seems a little selfish to me.I think you should stop doing all the things you do and see how she feels about that and why was she out of town on yalls anv thats just not right that is a very special day and she should have been with you.
Reply:sounds like u married someone with about as much compassion as a wet sponge
Reply:You should never give because you expect to receive.





People ARE different, you are just the girl in the relationship, deal.
Reply:No, she is just the type of person who isn't very "female" in that department. When I say that I mean that she is one of those types who doesn't worry about gifts, and some other things that other women/girls worry about. I'm in that category, unfortunately, and it caused my boyfriend to break up with me. I don't care for what other think, I don't make a big deal out of presents much, I''d rather not go shopping, I don't put on makeup a lot, and if I had to choose, I would stay home all day and watch funny romantic comedies. Now chances are she won't change and you can either accept her for what she is, or you can't. What SHE can do is at least make effort to make worry over your feelings, though. You should try talking to her again and be more specific.
Reply:you are expecting too much. Time for you not to be home when the phone rings from over-seas and start giving what you have been getting......nothing!!!!
Reply:You are not expecting too much at all. I would stop doing all these things for her. Then see if she thinks it's not important. She needs to put at least a little effort in.
Reply:First of all ignore the comments saying you are "a girl" or "are you sure you have a penis?" It's nice to for a guy to actually be able to admit he has such needs. You need to tell her that it hurts your feelings when she doesn't do something special for occasions. Tell her you'd appreciate it if she would do something nice for you on the next special occasion. If she doesn't, then remind her again. If she still doesn't, then you may have to just accept the fact that things like this are never going to be a big deal to her. Families are different and what feels normal to her will usually be the way her family honored such occasions. However, I would wonder how much she really cares about your needs if you ask her to do something for occasions, (even something small), and she continues not to do it. Then you have the choice of whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with someone who has little regard for your feelings? Also, factor in how well she treats you in other aspects of the marriage. If it's ALL about her then that's a problem.
Reply:Are you sure you're the one with a penis in this relationship? Sounds like you two have the gender roles reversed.
Reply:Ever heard of the expression, 'Treat them mean and keep them keen.' ....Personally I think you are going overboard and should tone it down a bit....