Wedding slaves?

Ladies,





What ever happened to the concept of a wedding party?


My bf has been honored by being a GM several times. In a wedding that we attended a 3 weeks ago, he was a GM. Cool, or so we thought.





The wedding party wasn't there to stand for the bride and groom, but rather, to be the couple's slaves. He had to, non only go to the fittings, rehearsals and two different pictures sessions as expected, but also they all had to get up early (wake up call via phone) to help pick up drinks, candles, chandeliers, paper lanterns. He also had to be in the venue at 9a.m. along with the other GM to set up the arch, install the chandeliers, wrap fabric around it, deliver de flowers, set up teh centerpieces, download the champagne and wine bottles. etc. etc. It was a 3 day slavery madness. I even got sucked up into carrying bottled water, boxes of candles etc.He worked his butt off during his vacation! He was so tired and sore at the end of the day and did not enjoy anything.

Wedding slaves?
I was not treated this way when I was Maid of Honor at my friend's wedding.





It is sure NOT part of being a bridesmaid or groomsman, to be unpaid labor, the construction team at the wedding. It is taking advantage of friendship, calling it an "honor" -- so the couple can have the wedding of their dreams cheap, without paying people who make their living- doing what they expect the wedding party to do for nothing.





Do they give the wedding party a cut of the take of the wedding gifts? I think not!!!
Reply:I'm curious to see what people say to this one.





I've been in weddings and OFFERED to help with certain aspects (putting together invite packets, going dress shopping with the bride, etc.) But was never expected or asked to do anything. This is the position I'm taking with my wedding party right now. It's MY wedding and MY responsibility to pick up my dress and address the envelopes, not theirs. And I want them there for the RIGHT reasons.





Treating your wedding party as free labor is unacceptable. I think I addressed this pretty well in someone elses "Statement to Bridesmaids" earlier this morning.





Interesting question though.
Reply:I've never had this happen to me, but we ensured that it wasn't this way at our wedding. We asked family and friends to be our attendants because we wanted their PRESENCE there supporting us, not to work. We did not require work of them - none pre the wedding (a few bridesmaids helped with a shower which my family put on) and a few did a few things on the wedding day - the best man drove the van for us; my MOH held my bouquet, and fluffed out my train. The two of them signed as witnesses, but that was it.


We wanted them to enjoy our day, and they did!


Blunt, I always enjoy reading your answers, but I always thought you were a man. Oh, sorry, I guess you could still be a man with a bf - no offence...
Reply:I have been in several weddings and never treated like that. It is part of the 'job' to be helpful, make yourself useful,but it has never been EXPECTED of me.





Maybe the B %26amp; G didn't plan properly, or they were trying to cut corners. Basically as a GM or BM, you should just grin and bear it unless they are expecting miracles, or if they become upset that you aren't doing enough, or something like that.
Reply:Honestly, when ever I have been a bridesmaid or MOH, I have been happy to help make the day as enjoyable and as easy for the bride and groom as I can. I never viewed it as being a slave or a personal maid, I saw it as helping my friends and my sister get the day they envisioned since they were little girls. I was happy to carry her dress to her in 90+degree heat while she waited in an air conditioned room so her make-up didnt run and her hair didnt get ruined, I didnt mind running back and forth carrying messages from bride to groom and MOB to MOG or any of the other requests made of me throughout any of the planning of their weddings up to and including the day after the weddings when I helped load cars full or flower arrangements, gifts, etc.





A wedding only happens once and I hope that every bride and groom have helpful and cooperative friends and family to give them a day they will never forget. But I also hope that they are greatful enough to lavish their helpers with many thank yous and appreciative pats on the back. Gifts are nice, but they cant replace a beautiful bride on her wedding day personally hugging you and saying "thanks, this couldnt have happened without you"
Reply:Neither time that I stood up (once as maid of honor, once as bridesmaid) was I expected to be the bride's slave, nor did I sign on to that. What I did sign on to was to help organize a shower and bachelorette party, hold the bride's bouquet during the ceremony, straighten out the train of her dress before she walked up the aisle, help her get her veil on straight, and sign the marriage certificate as a witness. I did more than that, but wasn;t expected to do more. As the maid of honor, I was asked to hostess the after party (which turned out to have more people and go on longer than the reception!), which I agreed to do, but did not feel obligated to do.





I do think that sometimes you ask your friends for help when you need it, but that is a request separate from the request to stand up in your wedding. I think friends are often willing to help out when needed. But, heavy, manual labor should not be expected. For the amount of work that needed to be done in this case, the bride and groom needed to hire a crew. I don't think it's right that they expected the wedding party to do it. (If they couldn't afford to hire a crew, they couldn't afford the kind of wedding they had.)





For our wedding, all I expect of my maid of honor is to plan the pre-wedding party (it's not really either a shower or a bachelorette, but a week-long trip to the beach, the first half with our siblings, the second half with my girlfriends--this was the MOH's idea), help me with my veil, hold my bouquet and sign the certificate. I almost certainly will ask her, and other friends (I'm not having any bridesmaids), to help assemble the DIY invitations, the programs and the favors. But, I don't assume that as a duty of being MOH. The best man is pretty much being asked to plan a bachelor party (he lives out of town, so I'm sure one of my fiance's friends will step up to do most of that anyway), stand with us at the altar, hold my ring, and sign the certificate.





Bridesmaids and groomsmen are not bridesslaves and groomsslaves! (The term "bridesmaid" is short for "bridesmaiden", and does not imply servitude!)
Reply:just decline in the future then
Reply:I have never been in a wedding before but I can assure you I would be nobody's slave. when I got married I only had a maid of honour, but she had no responsibilities but to be there on the wedding day. if I wanted her help with anything I asked her and she was glad to come shopping with me or to help me out making the cd's for the reception...but I asked her...I didnt tell her. it is the bride and grooms wedding and therefore their responsibility to take care of everything and I'm sure the wedding party would be more then happy to help within reason and if asked nicely, not barked orders at. as much as I love and care about my friends...I'm not about to be a slave to them when I could have avoided their crap, gone to work rather then need time off, got treated with respect and paid for what I do. I feel bad for you guys.
Reply:WOW, I have never even have heard anything so ridicules in my life. I actually found a cater that did everything for me because some of them actually said have the groomsmen or my mom could set up and do the favors and ect. I was completely appalled by the idea and found a cater who included it all.


I can't believe that did this without at least giving him some forewarning that they were desperate for help.
Reply:Interesting.





At the last wedding I was in (that wasn't mine!), I helped my girlfriend as much as I could. At her shower, I helped her with the gifts, helped her mom do dishes and make punch (her shower was at her mother's house - hosted by aunts of the groom), and I helped her transport decorations %26amp; favors to the hall. While I was there, I helped set up. Not because I was told to, or even asked to, for that matter. I did it because I wanted to. She's my friend, she was stressing over last minute things, and I wanted her to be calm and happy.





I've never been in a wedding where the bride has barked orders or demanded I do things. That's just ridiculous. Seriously.





I agree. Your wedding party is there to help and support you. If asked, should they help? Yup. But they're NOT unpaid labor, and they shouldn't be treated as such.





I'm outraged on your man's behalf.
Reply:lots of GM %26amp; BM have the pleasure of helping out the B%26amp;G. I was a maid of honer, a DJ, and the photographer for my friend's wedding. I also helped her with her dress, her daugter, tables, chairs, and decorating. So it happens a lot now becuase of people's budgets.....
Reply:Yes. Every man desires a [or more] woman as a slave......and he is forced [or she is]to call her 'WIFE'
Reply:that is a lack of planning on the bride/groom's part. But, yes, when you agree to be a bm/gm, you're signing on (should be) to help w/ whatever they need to pull the wedding off.


Whoever's planning the wedding should have the decorum to plan better than that to have stuff done, or at least ask ahead of time if the groom's men are willing.
Reply:Thats what comes with the job and if you can't handle it then don't agree to be a BM or GM. You are there to help the B and G in any way that you can and if that involves carrying stuff and getting up early than so be it!!!!!!
Reply:To some degree, I dont' think it's wrong to ask the wedding party to help with all the odd jobs leading up to the wedding. It's pretty standard, and a part of being in the wedding party (that's one of the purposes of the wedding party.)





It does sound like this couple took it entirely too far, though.
Reply:par for the course
Reply:No, I guess I have either better friends, or people who understand the meaning of marriage (as opposed to as wedding) or, my friends are willing to hire and pay for a wedding coordinator.


Also, I don't know why your man agreed to do all that. What's wrong with saying no?
Reply:Serves you right, why not get a marriage license at the county clerks office, go to a clergyman or j.p. get the marriage ceremony done and hit the road for your honeymoon.This saves money, hassles,time ,fatigue and frayed nerves and you will be just as happy or unhappy either choice no matter what the future holds.
Reply:I agree. Being in a wedding used to be an honor and now it has become a job that costs tons of money, energy and is much too stressful. The bride and groom think "their day" is an excuse to treat people like dirt. I once had a bride who made us take our dresses on and off about 4 times the day of the wedding between pictures, ceremony, reception etc. because she was so nervous about us getting them wrinkled or dirty! The wedding party are not free wedding planners but some people are treating them as such.
Reply:generally the bridal party is supposed to help out the bride and goom. thus_bridesmaids %26amp; gorrmsmen.


now i agree that some people take it the extreme and bark out orders like military personel, but for the most part, the bridal party is there to offer help and support to the bride and groom.
Reply:Nope. The weddings I have been in the people were willing to do their own work. Although you don't mention if the bride or groom did any of the work also.
Reply:No, that NEVER happened to me has a maid of honor - twice. I had to organize the shower %26amp; bachelorette. I had to give a toast - the end.